Dear Departed Drawings ~ Joel 3

Already coming through so nicely.  Still just outlines.  I was only afforded 30 minutes today of draw time, but its progress!  I love the expression on their faces, happiness and joy.  I hope this portrait brings his wife and daughter much joy and happiness.  The last two years have been so hard for his family.  I have always loved this photo of Kendalynn and Joel, looking forward to bringing them to life on paper.

I remember taking this photo.  We were driving along, looking for the big marker, damaged trees. We wanted photos of the beautiful cross his friends and family stood among the trees in Joels honor, my husband wanted a photo with his cross.  We had driven a ways down the road and stopped near a house, looking, they called out to us and us to them.  They knew what we were looking for.  "Down the road, under the only dark spot among the trees" they told us.  We drove on wondering how we would find it among so many trees shading the road, then it appeared.  Truly the only dark, shadowy part of the trees on the road.  Dark indeed, a chill in the air with sadness lingering there as I snapped photos.  The world lost a kind, gentle, compassionate, loving soul that day.

Dear Departed Drawings ~ Joel 2

I spent an hour and a half today, finishing lining out the paper, straightening my transparency grid.  I saged myself and my space I lit incense and meditated with my Lemurian quartz before starting.  Just a simple outline and rudimentary shadows.  Just the beginning.  We must start somewhere. Let it be here.

Today I get back on track with drawings.  My word for 2015 was Balance.  At times I was tipping the scales trying to juggle my first attempt at homeschool preschool, working my handmade business, drawing the departed, being a housewife and a mother.  And time for myself.  While 2015 was successful most of the time finding balance, I realized I needed a better plan for 2016 to make sure everything was getting done regularly and as efficiently as possible.  My word for 2016 is Ritual.  I have been using a website called FlyLady.net that my mother in law pointed me towards years ago.  I am finally making use of said website.

2016 brings several new adventures for me.  Getting back on track with drawings is a priority as well as launching my new shop on Etsy Sacred Batik and Dye.  I also am buckling down and sticking with Trim Healthy Mama to drop off my excess weight (the plan works!  I lost 30 lbs last year) and stay healthy, also restarting my morning aerobic workouts.  I am feeling confident with my homeschool preschool and will be tweaking it so I can work with my daughter AND work on my handmade business at the same time.  Using Fly Ladys routines I created my own rituals down to the minutes to clean, eat, shower, exercise, homeschool, draw, and take me time - to name a few things.  It starts tomorrow.  I am all in.  Do or do not, there is no try.

Dear Departed Drawings ~ Joel 1

Today is the first day of an incredibly missed husband, father, son, friend.  I remember the first time I met him.  His height seems intimidating but his smile is warm and friendly.  His handshake is giant but gentle.  Very compassionate and caring, always loving and I always felt safe with Joel.  I had always secretly hoped he would find a good woman to start a family alongside.

This year will be two years he is gone from our earth.  Gone too soon for many of us.  It's been a difficult time for his family, a loss so overwhelming for his daughter and wife.  His mother missing him so much.  His father joined him last year, another loss so profound for the family.  I had planned on drawing Conner or my aunt and uncle next.  But I had a specific request from Joel himself as he delivered a message through an acquaintance asking to be next.  My neighbor had a dream that Joel was hugging a little boy, described as Conner.  So Joel is to be next, I never thought I would be drawing him.  I thought we had more time, the last time we saw him.  Starting off the New Year with my husbands childhood friend, who is missed. Joel.

Dear Departed Drawings ~ Trees and Tents with Alice

Today is the first day of 2016.  Alice is complete.  There is no love like the love of a pet. The constant unconditional love they give us.  The memory never fades away.  I know Vayda misses her beloved companion so much.  We never forget them.  They are our protectors, our listening ear, our comfort in sadness, our calm, always loving us.  Nobody can replace that kind of love.  She is missed.

2015 for me was full of questions and I went to the deepest depths of my soul to find answers. Because I spent so much time this year seeking "why" I do things the way I do, feel a certain way....or simply - why are things the way they are, I only completed one portrait this year.  It was a very emotional year.

I am ready to move forward into 2016.   I have made peace with a lot of my childhood and my expectations of how people and experiences in my life should be.  Things ARE exactly as they should be for me.  I have finally accepted and come face to face with my guilt,  loneliness, anger, things I simply have no control over and accepted the things that are every piece of me.

Time to roll with it, walk this path laid out just for me and let my light shine.   I found people that I can feel "normal" around, safe, and be myself.  I have found that when we heal parts of ourselves we can finally see that tribe of people like us that we have been looking for our whole lives, ready to welcome us with open arms, who love us for who we are through and through.  Healing ones self is a long journey.  I realize some lessons are necessary and even protect us from a worse fate.  I am grateful for every lesson, even those that cut deep into my heart.  For they have made me stronger, more loving, more confident and prepared for what lies ahead.  I find myself leaping into the new year and new experiences.  I am still missing our loved ones and dear departed drawings are very much going to be a part of 2016.  One love.  

Let your love light shine

The beginning of Alice Day one

Our Operation Christmas Child Shoe Boxes

I love giving and decided this year our family would participate in Samaritans Purse Operation Christmas Child.  Our Church LCBC encourages the congregation to fill shoe boxes, a man from Uganda came to our church and spoke about his childhood.  He told  his story of the poverty in his village where he lived, his mental state.  When he was 8 years old he was sponsored by a teenager through Compassion International, it was so amazing to hear him talk about all the ways it changed his life. While my family has not been nearly as close to poverty as this man, two years ago my husband had been laid off from his employer of seven years. Our finances took a massive hit that year and our children received some gifts from a local church at Christmas.  The congregation provided amazing gifts of toys, art supplies, coats, clothing, a beautiful handmade twin sized bed quilt and groceries, including a gift card to a local supermarket.  We were so overwhelmed by the love and generosity that year from everyone and now we are always looking for ways to help others in need.  I home school our girls and thought Operation Christmas Child would be a great learning experience for them and we prepared two shoe boxes for two little girls, age 4 years old.  I came across a wonderful blog post written by The Dohls called Unsolicitated Advice About Shoeboxes.  

First, I visited our local dollar tree and picked up basic supplies, but avoided anything too inexpensively made or easily breakable.  I spent about $20 total for two of the following: 
Soap
Toothbrush and travel case
Toothpaste
Washcloth
Hand towel
Crayons
Sketch pad
Bandaids
Hair elastics

Then, I went to Kmart, spending about $40 on two of the following:
Baby doll
My little pony
Travel soap case
LED flashlight
3 extra AAA batteries
Travel tissues
Wide tooth comb

Lastly, I stopped at Target, spending about $14 on two of the following:
Plain tank top
Lollipops (dum dums are my kids favorite)
Chapstick
Quality kids plate and bowl

In all I spent $74 on both boxes, thats $37 for each child.  I will also register my boxes online and pay the shipping fee of $7 per shoebox, hopefully we will receive information on where our box was delivered.  I manged to pack everything into the boxes without room to spare anywhere and used plastic shoe boxes, I rubber banded them shut and used packing tape to hold them closed around the middle.  I let the girls each decorate a card, included the sediments of One Love and our return address in hopes of receiving a letter from the children we blessed this year.  As I packed each box I talked about each item with my girls and answered questions about the child that might receive our box and watched a video about Danniellas Story.  When we finished our discussion of conditions in other countries and why we were sending these boxes off full of toys and everyday items, I could see their brains and hearts making the connection.  They were so happy and excited for this little girl receiving our box.  A perfect lesson on humanitarianism for my girls.  

One Love.

Dear Departed Drawings ~ Alice 18

It's a dreary day today, but not in my house.  I had the two most lovely souls to keep me company.  Alice has come so far since my last post here on the blog.  So many things have been going on over the last few months that have been keeping my attention.  Lots of integration with all of the inner child work I've been doing and the changes and habits I have been working on forming within myself.  Normal life happening too with its ebb and flow.  Just trying to roll with the waves and flow with the current.  Everything is in perfect timing and I trust God to carry us.  I felt it fair to only work on Alice when I am in the proper mindset and not clouded with stress, feeling overwhelmed, anxious or exhaustion.  Winter really replenishes my energy and I am looking forward to snow covered silence.  So for today I am really getting deep and working with details and shading on and around Alice.  I feel really good about them both and my progress is very satisfying.

I handed off Lucia to her family not long ago.  It was so lovely seeing them really enjoying her portrait.  I really love drawing for people.  Using my God given talent in this way makes it all feel right with the world.

If you follow me on Instagram you can see all of my progress there with my drawings, art and experiences.  Find me at heady_dreadie on Instagram if you don't want to miss all the in-between work.

Dear Departed Drawings ~ Alice 17

Worked mostly on the fine details of Vaydas hair and shading Alices fur. Fining tuning areas now that the drawing is laid out. Had to take a break from my art and let all the inner work I've been doing lately sink in fully.  Then I attended an amazing conference called the Global Leadership Summit.  I attended about five years ago and won two tickets to the summit this year.  The most inspirational conference I have attended yet.  Two days spent filling my head with ways to improve my relationships.  What it means to be a leader, how to get there, ways to maintain the momentum.  How to make it through devastating circumstances and still forge ahead.  Understanding true qualities of a leader and the hard inner work they have done to succeed.  The determination and discipline required.  Truly inspiring and much needed at this exact point in my life to cement everything I have been learning and applying in my life.

Then I had a dream. I thought I might share it here.  My husband even suggested I share my dream after I told him.  In my dream I was standing inside a catholic church with many other people, the Pope was blessing us and then cast a fistful of stones onto the floor.  Everyone scrambled for them but I found two!  I gave the woman next to me the smaller of the two stones, but she seemed ungrateful so I ended up giving her the larger stone and keeping the smaller one for myself.   The stones the Pope cast out were Staurolite, also known as Fairy stones.  Then I left the church and John Leguizamo was waiting for me outside, I told him I had something for him and pulled out a tangerine quartz and citrine from my pocket.  He told me he didn't want them.  He said that he had something to tell me and told me to turn around.  Then I woke up because the kids were awake and yelling for me. 

After consulting with two dear friends and my husband it seems clear I am ready to move on from work within the solar plexus representing the citrine crystal, essentially balance - self esteem, confidence, willpower.  The tangerine quartz represents the sacral chakra, essentially creativity - emotions, connection, pleasure.  I had been doing some work this year on finding balance and creativity within myself.  I've been told I may be ready to move on to a new level of spiritual work and connecting with spirit directly.  

From what I have been told and what I have read is that Staurolite is rare and come to those who are ready.  Staurolite comes from the Greek word Stauros, which means cross. There are numerous tales behind these stones.  One in particular I keep seeing over and over is that these stones were first formed when the fairies cried as they heard the news of Christ's death, which is why they form in a cross.  Staurolite is a strong stone to aid spiritual grounding and a stronger connection with beings in the natural world, such as devas, fairies, spirits of animals and plants.  They are known as stones that will allow you to accept more easily, the gifts that Jesus brought to the world.  An unconditional love for others and for the earth.  

And from what I gathered from others and my own intuition about the ungrateful woman and the two stones, I am generous in nature and can recognize that a small stone or big stone, the medicine is still the same. There may also be someone taking from me and not appreciating me, leaving me with the smaller of the two stones.  So I will watch out for this, I am no stranger to this type of person.  I think as a giver and creative person, takers are naturally attracted to me (at least that what it seems from my own 35 year experience on this earth).  All in all it was an amazing dream, I've never dreamed of crystals before this time.  My husband agreed I needed to find a stone like the one in my dream.  This one is the closest I could find, they are rare and there are not many listed for sale online.  I believe the one in my dream was more of a 90 degree angle, rather than 60 degree - but as stated previously "the medicine is the same."  The stone in my dream had a huge piece of mica on the side (and I found none with this particular quality) but I this stone is actually set in mica!  The photo doesn't show its immensely shimmering and sparkly background for the cross.  I've been keeping this stone very close since it arrived Friday, keeping it in my pocket, in my medicine bag or under my pillow while sleeping.  I love it.  I also finally felt like creating again last night.  So I've been busy with batik, finishing up projects promised for others and a surprise for Lucias mother.