Dearly Departed Drawings ~ {day 400} ~ Trees and Tents with Kole

This boy.

I was sitting in my office at work in June 2008 doing paperwork and chatting with a coworker.  I don't remember how the subject got brought up,  but it did.  My coworker (also a friend) started telling me about her friend, Renee.  How she has this darling son.  The cutest, sweetest little boy.  I remember her telling me they found a tumor in his chest.  I remember her asking me to send positive vibes, prayers, good thoughts to this family.  My coworker would give me the updates weekly or even sometimes daily on Koles progress.  I knew all about this boy and his family.  Then the day came when this darling boy left our earth in January 2009.  My friend and coworker, coincidentally resigned from her position at my workplace just months later.  We haven't really spoken much since then.  

I was scrolling through my Facebook feed in September 2014 and a picture of a little boy showed up.  I dismissed it and kept scrolling.  This photo just kept popping up in my feed - for days.  I did not recognize the little boy, but I happened to see Renees name and memories started flooding back.  I DO know this little boy.  This is the little boy I heard so much about so long ago.  It was believable he is the little boy I had prayed for all those days.  Renee and I have some mutual friends and acquaintances, although we had not crossed paths prior.  I knew Kole was to be the last in my Dearly Departed Drawings.  I set about contacting his mother about drawing him.  Renee connected with me over Kole and since then I have read all about Koles journey, Renees journey.  Renee has shared some of her most private moments with me.  As I poured through photos of Kole, this one just sang out to me.  Loud and profound, full of emotion.  This is the photo I had hoped to draw.  It was not to be.  This photo was taken in June 2008, just a day before the tumor was found.  The memories are not of a happy time, but rather - regret.  "His eyes had huge bags and he had a grapefruit sized tumor in his chest and I couldn't figure it out. He was dying and I didn't know it because he was smiling. By the next day he couldn't breathe... "   


This portrait is my grand finale of my 365 days of drawing turned into Dear Departed Drawings. So far it is also the most detailed drawing of all five.  I also felt the most doubt, not just in my abilities but just the act of sharing Koles story.  I questioned the emotions I would trigger for Renee and many other people by reliving the days of Koles medical journey.  I received enough confirmation to know this drawing and Koles story was to be shared.

The photo Renee chose for me to draw was of Easter morning March 2008. Kole is 16 months old.

 "It was taken not long before we knew he was sick. he was always a joy in the mornings. he often woke up on his own and just played in his bed. he had done that on this morning, I awoke and could hear him in there talking to himself. so I got up and went to the fridge and got the eggs and started hiding them. I was eager to watch him search. I grabbed my camera and walked into his room with his basket to get him. It was cold outside so I hid the eggs inside. I just loved his face in the mornings."  

I asked Renee if she wanted to share on reveal day.  This is what she wrote for us.
Renee gets the last word:

"It has been a difficult season. Fall settles into a cold winter freeze that doesn't seem to leave my heart until spring. Every year passes and I go through my grief cycle. June- Koles diagnosis. July August September and October are like months of hope for me. Kole thrived. He surpassed the odds of continuing to grow and develop an astounding vocabulary and intelligence beyond his years while being inundated with the most toxic chemicals we as humans put in our bodies (willingly?). I love summer and fall for this very reason. I feel connected to my son and to hope itself. November- his birth. A season of sadness as Thanksgiving approaches (Kole deteriorated) and then Christmas (we weren't sure he would make it through the holiday). I kept praying he would stay. He would be with me and hold me into the New Year. He did. I prayed he'd be there to see my 29th birthday in February. He didn't. 

On Saturday January 10th, 2009, I got down on my knees, alone, beside Kole's bed, listening to him barely breathing and seeing what looked like a science project monster of what my child used to be. Kole hadn't eaten or drank in days and his kidneys and liver were shutting down. I screamed. On my knees. I'm certain the whole Hem-Onc unit heard my pleas. I couldn't take it one moment longer. Kole SHOULDNT have to take this one moment longer. He was tired. I was tired. I asked a God PLEEEEEASE!!!!! Please if you're planning on taking my only sweet child, please take him now. Soon. I broke. I gave in. I gave up. I didn't want to see Kole suffering any longer. I remember not being able to fall asleep after my breakdown in the hospital room. Light broke into the window of his room on the morning of Sunday January 11th, 2009, and I saw snow falling peacefully outside. I knew it was soon. I called everyone I could and told them if they wanted to see Kole one last time they needed to come. Come NOW. They did. Everyone who was an important part of Kole's life was there in the room with us. I decided I had had ENOUGH of not being able to hold my son, and I asked for help. Everyone pitched in and helped push and pull tubes out of the way and adjusted monitors so I could scootch-in under my son's limp, heavy body and embrace him like he deserved to be embraced. I remember placing his head under my chin, wrapping my arms around his chest, and feeling his small cold legs between mine. I clenched his body and felt his barely-there breaths. I wept. I prayed. I talked to him. I whispered softly, "Oh my sweet sweet boy. It's okay. It's okay. It's going to be okay. Mommy and daddy love you so very much. And it's okay. If there's someone here to take you away somewhere (my dad, his pappy had just passed away 10 months prior), (Jesus), (some other spirit guide/greeters), then go with them. It will be okay. We will see you again Kole. I love you Kole. You're a good boy Kole. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay." I stroked him and tried to take in the smell of him. Rubbed my face in what was left of his hair. Smooched my face into his cheeks. Kissed his fuzzy ears. Held his cold hands. Felt his chest go up and down one more time above me. Then it stopped. Everyone in he room gasped and sucked the air out of the room. His eyes opened. "His eyes are open!" Everyone exclaimed. He was gone. 

I completely lost my composure and we got everyone to leave the room. This was how I lost my son. This is why the calendar year is so very hard for me. I hate January and I hate the winter months in general. I hate cancer. I blogged the whole way through our journey and it touched many lives. Kole touched many in his short 26 months here on earth. After the "dust settled" my husband became addicted to pain medication and lost his mental stability. I tried to move on with my life as best I could. I dove into my career, moved to Philadelphia and found out in 2011 that my ex husband had unsuccessfully hung himself. I got brought back into trauma. I distanced myself from his situation to save myself. It took three years and over $7000 but I got the divorce finalized and was able to feel a freedom I hadn't felt in years. I'm in a wonderful relationship now, almost 5 years, to the man I plan on spending the rest of my life with. And not sure if any more children are in my future. This has been a tough pill to swallow. This life. I contemplate having more children. I have to examine the opposite possibility as well, that I may not. I've had to reflect deeply on what this means for me. My mothering instinct is so hearty, would I be satisfied with this life if Kole was the only child I was meant to have? I weighed it out. Pregnancy was amazing. I actually loved being pregnant. I felt so connected to the universe. As if fulfilling a duty. Kole was something special. I enjoyed every day with him. I lived for him. He taught me more in his 26 months here than any other experience I've had in my life. He made me happier than I've ever been in my life. If he were to be my only, would he be enough? I decided he would be. He was. If he is the only child I'll get to experience while on this Earth I will feel forever grateful. Would I enjoy having another child? Sure. You bet. Although it would be a mix of absolute elation and absolute terror. I will embrace it if it happens. I will not lay on my death bed with regret if it doesn't. My heart tells me adoption may be up my alley for the future..... 

This season is a difficult one. Amanda Johnson made it more bearable for me this year. I was contacted about a portrait and was hesitant. I had buried this for years. I don't look at videos and pictures much because it hurts. It was a real task for me when I was asked to pick a picture of Kole to be drawn. That meant unearthing the last 5 years. I realized it was time. I faced the pictures and videos with more grace than I expected. I even smiled. I SMILED. I especially smiled when I saw the picture of Kole on Easter morning that would be the replication. I knew this one was it. I could see it in his eyes. Amanda brought Kole to life before my eyes. Every day I actually looked FORWARD to seeing the progress. I was looking forward to seeing my son. I wasn't trying to avoid it. I made a lot of progress as she made progress on the drawing. It was very healing for me. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. I am happy to share my story here and hope that anyone reading who has a similar situation in life or is struggling with pain and grief, cancer, or the loss of child, please get in touch with me. It feels so good to be able to talk and share and work through it. That is, when you're ready. I avoided writing this final farewell because it was almost like the end of a healing process for me. But all good things must come to an end. Kole came to me veerrryyyyy strongly in my dreams last night. I felt like I spent the whole night with him when I woke up this morning. Too bad the whole dream was in the hospital, but I'll take it. I think he's telling me I can do this. He kept saying "Mommy!" "Mommy!" I think he was telling me something. So there you go sweet boy. Mommy loves you and always will. I can't wait to see you."



The first day of Koles drawing and the start of his journey.....Day 324.

 

Listen for it..... 

"Momma!!??!??!" Jane - "she's coming!" "What is my momma doing today?!?!"

 

Time Lapse

Remembering Kole

Koles Progress

I decided Koles portrait is nearly complete.  Not posting any more updates until the reveal day.

Dearly Departed Drawings ~ Kole {day 399}

Nearly there!  Cleaning up lines and smoothing out.  Can you feel the anticipation?  We've come a long way since day one of this portrait.

Dearly Departed Drawings ~ Kole {day 397}

I hear the giggles.  Closer to completion than before.

Dearly Departed Drawings ~ Kole {day 396}

Touch ups!  Here, there, everywhere!

Dearly Departed Drawings ~ Kole {day 395}

Almost finished!!

Dearly Departed Drawings ~ Kole {day 394}

Today I darkened the crib rails, I think they are the proper tone compared to the spindles.  I worked on the wall hanging and adjusted a few small shadows on Koles face.  Overall I am satisfied with everything but there a few things here and there that bother me enough to keep at it.  Also blending pencil strokes for a smoother look and sharpening outlines here and there.

Today I had the chance to meet the most beautiful baby girl, Addyson.  She was a still birth at 30 weeks this past May - May 28th, 2014.  Just days after my oldest little girls 3rd birthday.   Her mother invited me over for a playdate today, we met at MOPS over a year ago.  Addysons mother is such a strong, patient, loving, kind and generous person.  I was overwhelmed with emotion when she asked me to draw Addyson.  Of course I will draw her beautiful soul, gone from our earth too soon.  As we looked at the photos from Addysons birth day I could see the emotion on everyones faces and feel it in my own heart.  I was also able to view photos of the day they laid her to rest, taken by very talented photographer friends I also met through MOPS (Mother of Preschoolers).  It was a breathtaking way to honor her brief but beautiful life.  As I poured through her photos and soaked up the images, two stood out in my midst.  Brought tears to my eyes.  The grief my friend was wearing and how her oldest daughter was comforting her mother kneeling graveside - caught in a photo.  The second photo was nearly in succession of the first, showing her father and brother standing behind them (my friend did not know until she saw the photo) who were also painted with grief and wiping tears.  While sad, the display of emotion is overwhelming and beautiful at the same time.  I was so thankful she shared all those very private photos with me.  There is something to be said about shared grief, so sad but so beautiful.  I look forward to drawing dear little Addyson in the future for her family. 

(Little Addyson won't be featured here but once she is complete you will be able to sneak a peek on the shop page)

Dearly Departed Drawings ~ Kole {day 393}

Using a 9B (soft, dark pencil) I went over the spindles, Koles hair, eyes darkening them further.  Still plenty of work to do.

Dearly Departed Drawings ~ Kole {day 392}

Sharpened Koles shirt today, darkened the bedding around the basket and small things that were bothering me here and there.  Some days the changes I make will be so minor it may be difficult to tell I did anything at all.  I still see things I want to change and adjust.  The wall hanging upper left corner still needs to be filled in and tones fixed.  I still want to darken Koles hair more and the crib too.  I have him in our living room uncovered everyday now, I love this part.  Soon he will be hanging on my wall with the rest of them and the original with his mother.

After I complete this portrait I will be taking some time off and preparing a Storenvy shop which won't charge me fees and I like that for these drawings.  I will still be working here on the blog doing what I did all year for the departed that seek me out, but I will also be doing commissioned work too.  I will post a custom portrait listing in the Dear Departed Drawings shop one at a time.  As I finish each portrait I will make another listing for a custom portrait.  Commissioned pieces won't be featured on the blog.  There is plenty of time left in my life to provide everyone that has already asked me if I would draw a commissioned portrait for them and more!  I really look forward to working with all of you and your loved ones.  I am so happy to being using my talent in this deep and meaningful way.

Dearly Departed Drawings ~ Kole {day 390}

Just entered the sit, stare and make minor adjustments stage.  I still have some darkening to do on the wall hanging and the portion of bedding around the basket.  Today I worked on darkening his hair, making changes here and there to his cheeks and eyes.  More adjustments need made, but today I decided I'd like to look at Kole unveiled in the living room.  This is an important part of my process.  I will thoroughly compare the photo to the drawing and make changes. 


I am thrilled with my progress and the level of detail.

Dearly Departed Drawings ~ Kole {day 387}

The wall hanging is my main focus at this point, I am making small adjustments here and there as I see them. 

Dearly Departed Drawings ~ Kole {day 386}

Darkening tones here and there and working on the wall hanging.  Adjusting a few things on Koles face, a few spots lightening shadows and a few spots darkening. I am super excited this portrait will be ready for gifting for Koles mamas birthday!!  What timing!!

Dearly Departed Drawings ~ Kole {day 385 bonus}

Bonus drawing time with Kole tonight.

Dearly Departed Drawings ~ Kole {day 385}

Keepin' on keepin' on.  Darkening shadows on the spindles and defining them.  Going back over areas and darkening and defining.  Defining and darkening.  Got totally lost in the portrait today and was surprised when the kids woke from naps.  Had one of those "where did the time go?" moments.   I hope Renee is proud of my work so far, I hope she recognizes her boy, I hope it brings her love and peace when she looks at this picture.  I'm still not done, but we are not far off.  Maybe I will be under the lamp tonight.  I almost was last night.  Last night Kole was running all over my mind.

Dearly Departed Drawings ~ Kole {day 384}

Still bringing up the tones to darker levels.  Slow and easy is the way to go.  Its much easier to darken than lighten something already too dark.  Worked on shadows, spindles, crib rails and bedding.  I also darkened Koles hair a bit.  Lots of outlining and shading work to adjust before the portrait is complete. 

Dearly Departed Drawings ~ Kole {day 383}

Still working on the crib and spindles today.  Darkening tones further.  Working, working, working!

Dearly Departed Drawings ~ Kole {day 382}

Today I worked on the spindles, I still see more work to do on them and the crib rails.  I still have details on the bedding to finish and tones to darken.  Not finished yet but the end is in sight.  I can almost hear his giggles.

Today I attended a Blessingway (another great Blessingway site).  A Blessingway was traditionally a Navajo ritual created to spiritually support and empower the new mother for her journey of birthing and motherhood.  In recent times, this beautiful ritual has been adapted as an alternative to Baby showers, where the focus tends to be more on the gifts and the baby, rather than on the mother and her experience.  This ceremony helps the woman to prepare herself for the birth, emotionally, spiritually and mentally, for the all important role of a new mother.  She feels "held" and supported by those she loves and respects - a great way to help her release any blockages she may be feeling and allow her to embrace what's to come.  Hearing other womens birth stories as you share around the circle can be surprising, exciting and heartwarming to hear.  A mother blessing can be very affirming, empowering and uplifting.  This is the explanation on the back of my invite.  I was very intrigued and luckily I was able to attend!

When we arrived the mother to be was receiving a henna tattoo being created on her pregnant belly. Then we as a group, first washed our hands in rose water (cleansing ourselves), then we sat in a circle.  We introduced ourselves, named our mothers lineage and each lit a candle.  We meditated together and sent positive, uplifting energy to the new mother. We also read aloud our wishes, poems and blessings to the mother and with a bead we had chosen, placed the bead on a necklace the mother would wear while she labors.  We also wove a web with hemp around each persons wrist, then cut between each person and we tied our string on the candle for the mother to take with her to the hospital.  Then we ended in prayer.  To end it we feasted together!

Everyone was asked to bring a offering from nature, I chose to make a dream catcher for the baby.  Each item from nature will be made into a mobile for the baby to hang in the nursery. 

Traditionally, Native Americans believed the night air was filled with good and bad dreams. The legend of the Dream Catcher is that it captures the bad Spirits and filters them. Protecting us from evil and letting through only the good dreams.   It is believed that each carefully woven web will catch bad spirit dreams in the web and disappear by perishing with the first light of the morning sun. The good spirit dreams will find their way to the center and float down the sacred feather.  Dream Catchers are believed to bless the "sleeping ones" with pleasant dreams, good luck, and harmony throughout their lives.

Dream catchers were given to newborns for good dreams. The larger sizes were hung in lodges, for all to have good dreams.  The dream catcher that you have received was made by me with your new baby in my thoughts, while sage was burning and a prayer said at each knot in the web.  Many prayers were made for health, happiness, love, growth, inspiration, honor, kindness and all things beautiful.  At the finish I saged the dream catcher and said prayers of protection and sweet dreams for your baby.  It is a sacred object.

All the parts of the dream catcher have meaning.  To begin, the web made of hemp represents the spider our brother of life for ever repairing the eternal web of life.  Thus weaving your life dreams and energy in the universe when you dream.  The grapevine ring represents the earth mother and the humble walk we do upon her.  The beads on the web are turquoise, stone of sky, stone of water, stone of blessings, good fortune, protection, good health and long life.  The feathers are Pheasant and symbolize balance, family, aspiration and protection.  In your Dream catcher, I have finalized the eye with turquoise again.  May your new baby have a happy, dreamful life with this dream catcher and good Karma.

Dearly Departed Drawings ~ Kole {day 379}

Getting better

Posted Mar 21, 2009

"Spring is here...yay! I am sensing a rebirth in the air....

My husband is at home now feeling pretty well today, he is out doing some laundry and I am sitting here at the apartment enjoying some more peace after I slept-in this morning. Knowing my husband was home and on his way to recovery really helped give me a solid night's sleep. Half an Ambien doesn't hurt either....

I confronted my fears head-on on Thursday, and made my way up to the seventh-floor at the medical center and was clobbered with familiar faces and love. Of course the first person I saw was Dr. Bob and he was happy to see me and asked if I was "okay?" (I must have had a petrified expression as I walked-off the elevator...). Then the nurses came up one by one it seemed, I know them all by name and they know me as "the short cute young-looking mom, you know, Kole's mom". And then I ran into Dr. Comito and we embraced in the middle of seven-west and cried together happy tears. I love her. Of course I saw Deana (Kole called her Dean - that was his nurse practitioner-crush). And I saw Teresa, the nurse we had on our first day at Hershey and our last day at Hershey. And I saw Heather and Collin - the other rhabdomyosarcoma family our new great friends, and kissed Collin on his beautiful bald head. I couldn't bring myself to walk any further down the hall than the nurses station, for it would bring me too close to "our room" where Kole spent his last 8 days.

I have come to find out that the Child Life organization up on the seventh floor is looking for volunteers, and I am thinking about volunteering. I always had such a gripe when Kole and I were inpatient and Karl was sick and I had no help some days, and I KNOW there is a need for this. So many pediatric cancer patients do not always have their parents there, as scary as that would be for them. Some families have jobs that dont allow them the luxury of being with their children in the hospital and some families have other children to be home with. It sucks for lack of a better way to put it. They need someone to ease their fears with a smile or hug, someone who understands the ins and outs of their treatments and symptoms, someone to hold them, rock them, hold their hand, play with them, read books to them, help them feel they aren't sick or different from the rest and give them a sense of normalcy. They need a mom who has been there!!! And the parents need someone they can trust to sit with their child while they eat, nap, shower, and do their laundry and errands. I have been praying on this. God is slowly granting me the bravery, mercy, and determination to face my anxious memories of the seventh-floor and to NOT let evil powers of fear hold me back from helping the kids that need it the most. That would mean evil wins once again. I once said I would never, ever be back to Hershey Medical Center. Just the ride to the hospital made me sick to my stomach. But there is such a great need.....a need that is stronger than my own personal fears which I intend to set aside so that I can be/fill-in that missing puzzle piece that I lived/experienced while I inhabited that place for 8 months. I am a need-fulfiller by personality, and of course have such a strong mothering instinct that is unused and unfocused....I need to love these children. Actively, not just by prayer.
Thanks again to those who are always there for us."


Working on crib spindles again and their shadows.  Doing other touch ups as I go along.  I was reminded today of the conversation I had with another mother this past weekend (it was a womens weekend away with friends) who was talking about the grief her children had when she lost her baby at 30 weeks.  Which reminded me of an acquaintances vision called HK Pinwheel Packs. They provide comfort packages to children who have suffered the death of a baby sibling from early miscarriage through the first year.  The creative vision is from a mother and her daughters.  A special way to honor their baby brother that didn't survive pregnancy and birth, Holden Keppel Galt.  Each pack that they gift to a grieving child contains a children's book about grief, pen and journal (for older children) or crayons and drawing pad (for younger children), a stuffed animal to cuddle, a pinwheel to play with or set at the sibling's grave or special place, and some information for parents.  You may request an HK Pinwheel Pack, please email hkpinwheelpacks@gmail.com.  

I think its a wonderful idea!!  While Kole did not have any siblings, I still felt it important to share this for other parents who might have grieving children.

Dearly Departed Drawings ~ Kole {day 378}

 

MANY THANKS

Posted Mar 19, 2009

"Alone, really alone, for the first time since.......I was pregnant maybe? Tonight feels a bit weird. My husaband is inpatient at Hershey (episode started Friday) and the apartment is as still as I have ever heard it. I came onto the Carepages (its been awhile) to see if anyone had written anything lately, and was just blown away by all the love. I had to read and reread all your messages to us, and I just sat here and cried and felt so thankful and loved. I just wanted to tell everybody that. And I also need to make a rather belated public announcement that, Yes, my cell phone IS broken and has been since we got back from our trip and Yes I am getting a new one just haven't yet, so in the meantime call my husbands cell or the house. Thanks and sorry for anyone who may have felt offended because I wasn't getting any of their messages. We were in our cave for a bit, anyways, it was pretty dark when we got back to PA, but we're coming back out into the light now and stretching our wings. So let's have lunch. We love everyone. God bless everyone. A special prayer to all our friends still in seven-west. We will never forget. Constant love. Constant bravery. The real heroes."

Spindle work today.  Darkening, giving wood grain and darkening shadows.

Dearly Departed Drawings ~ Kole {day 377}

A Time to Heal

February 26, 2009

"My husband and I took some time away this past month. After the hard year we endured, space and time was needed just to breathe and truly soak in what life threw at us this past year and what it means for us and where are we going from here............When your child has cancer you really just live minute to minute. Time seems to fade away into a myriad blur of white coats, beeping machines, glowing buttons in the night, screams, night sweats, heartache, emptiness, confusion, vulnerability, anger.........and it truly is a test just to hang on through every twist and turn, sometimes feeling that the worst has to be over, and then realizing a life without Kole is the worst, and that empty hole in our lives will be there every day to come and we will have to look it in the eye and just hang on. Hang on to what? No, who. We were fortunate enough to have had God with us every step of the way, who sent his son, Jesus Christ, to take away our sin, including all the burden we carry in our hearts over the pain our son endured and the death we faced, for He helps us carry it. And we feel so utterly blessed for our family and friends, who are to us as family, and are so deeply embedded in our hearts, right there with Kolebear.
All the fundraising that our communtiy did for us has just been mindblowing. We are so appreciative we cannot even begin to describe our thankfulness, and hope it inspires you to know that we, through you, have been able to extend help to those we've come across in our everyday lives who have needed it. And although we never got to take that one-last-family-vacation with our precious son, we did decide to go away for ourselves, for healing purposes, just the two of us. We spent 8 nights in San Diego and 7 nights in the San Francisco Bay area with family and friends, and then flew to Hawaii to spend 8 nights in a private beach house backed up against state conservation grounds on the most private end, of the oldest, most desolate island in the most secluded island chain in the world - Ha'ena, Kauai (Tunnels Beach). Everyone needs to come and see the island of Kauai at least once in their lives, get out your bucket lists. We got an immense amount of peace in this place, the clear turquoise waves seemingly taking your pain and love intermingles with the sloping majesty of the mountains, through the gentle island breezes, and into your heart and soul. Even in paradise, we cried our hearts out to the Lord I don't know how many times a day, and found it such a puzzle that we could be this inspired and loved by such an awesome God who created such an awesome world, and has given us such an awesome life and family by the grace of His hand, and yet has allowed so much grief and turmoil in our lives recently and what does this all mean......
After being away for 25 days I must say it is strange coming home. Back to the cold. Back to the pain. Back to Kole's room. Back to staring everything right in the face and not knowing what to do with it. I have to go and visit the doctor tonight for a follow up in the area of mental health. I hope you found this update insightful, I know so many people have been trying to contact us, but we just wanted to get away from everything. I mean EVERYTHING and everyone. It is what we needed and thanks for your respect and understanding. We are home now trying to adjust, so please give us time again, it is kind of like we are starting over again. We would like anyone who wants to come and visit us to please let us know, we definitely can arrange to have lunch, come over and see our pictures and videos from our awesome trip, I mean whatever, we are up for it. We do have the luxury of time on our hands right now, so just get in touch with us. We love you all so very much.
Anyone seriously interested in moving to Kauai please let us know, we are up for it, but need roomies. Joking. Kind of. Not really. May settle for California. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...............
God's peace, grace and love to you as it has been to us"



Today I worked on the crib spindles and basket, paying attention to the smallest detail.  Renee updated a few times after Kole's departure and I will share them.  I also created a video of her collection of Kole photos from Carepages and her own stash.  You may need a flashplayer plugin to view the video if you are doing it mobile.  But its worth the trouble to see his beautiful face.  Fixing up last details this week and hoping to be in the final stages of my portrait drawing by next week.  The sit and stare, make small adjustments stage.  I can't wait to have this little bright shining light hanging on my wall in my living room with the rest of the gang.  Then Renee will be able to bring her light home and see him everyday.  Her story is so amazing, I am hoping she will share more with us.

 You can view Koles video here