Dearly Departed Drawings ~ Kole {day 379}

Getting better

Posted Mar 21, 2009

"Spring is here...yay! I am sensing a rebirth in the air....

My husband is at home now feeling pretty well today, he is out doing some laundry and I am sitting here at the apartment enjoying some more peace after I slept-in this morning. Knowing my husband was home and on his way to recovery really helped give me a solid night's sleep. Half an Ambien doesn't hurt either....

I confronted my fears head-on on Thursday, and made my way up to the seventh-floor at the medical center and was clobbered with familiar faces and love. Of course the first person I saw was Dr. Bob and he was happy to see me and asked if I was "okay?" (I must have had a petrified expression as I walked-off the elevator...). Then the nurses came up one by one it seemed, I know them all by name and they know me as "the short cute young-looking mom, you know, Kole's mom". And then I ran into Dr. Comito and we embraced in the middle of seven-west and cried together happy tears. I love her. Of course I saw Deana (Kole called her Dean - that was his nurse practitioner-crush). And I saw Teresa, the nurse we had on our first day at Hershey and our last day at Hershey. And I saw Heather and Collin - the other rhabdomyosarcoma family our new great friends, and kissed Collin on his beautiful bald head. I couldn't bring myself to walk any further down the hall than the nurses station, for it would bring me too close to "our room" where Kole spent his last 8 days.

I have come to find out that the Child Life organization up on the seventh floor is looking for volunteers, and I am thinking about volunteering. I always had such a gripe when Kole and I were inpatient and Karl was sick and I had no help some days, and I KNOW there is a need for this. So many pediatric cancer patients do not always have their parents there, as scary as that would be for them. Some families have jobs that dont allow them the luxury of being with their children in the hospital and some families have other children to be home with. It sucks for lack of a better way to put it. They need someone to ease their fears with a smile or hug, someone who understands the ins and outs of their treatments and symptoms, someone to hold them, rock them, hold their hand, play with them, read books to them, help them feel they aren't sick or different from the rest and give them a sense of normalcy. They need a mom who has been there!!! And the parents need someone they can trust to sit with their child while they eat, nap, shower, and do their laundry and errands. I have been praying on this. God is slowly granting me the bravery, mercy, and determination to face my anxious memories of the seventh-floor and to NOT let evil powers of fear hold me back from helping the kids that need it the most. That would mean evil wins once again. I once said I would never, ever be back to Hershey Medical Center. Just the ride to the hospital made me sick to my stomach. But there is such a great need.....a need that is stronger than my own personal fears which I intend to set aside so that I can be/fill-in that missing puzzle piece that I lived/experienced while I inhabited that place for 8 months. I am a need-fulfiller by personality, and of course have such a strong mothering instinct that is unused and unfocused....I need to love these children. Actively, not just by prayer.
Thanks again to those who are always there for us."


Working on crib spindles again and their shadows.  Doing other touch ups as I go along.  I was reminded today of the conversation I had with another mother this past weekend (it was a womens weekend away with friends) who was talking about the grief her children had when she lost her baby at 30 weeks.  Which reminded me of an acquaintances vision called HK Pinwheel Packs. They provide comfort packages to children who have suffered the death of a baby sibling from early miscarriage through the first year.  The creative vision is from a mother and her daughters.  A special way to honor their baby brother that didn't survive pregnancy and birth, Holden Keppel Galt.  Each pack that they gift to a grieving child contains a children's book about grief, pen and journal (for older children) or crayons and drawing pad (for younger children), a stuffed animal to cuddle, a pinwheel to play with or set at the sibling's grave or special place, and some information for parents.  You may request an HK Pinwheel Pack, please email hkpinwheelpacks@gmail.com.  

I think its a wonderful idea!!  While Kole did not have any siblings, I still felt it important to share this for other parents who might have grieving children.